چند لطیفه زیبا به زبان انگلیسی
Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
***
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am. I married the wrong woman.
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A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.
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A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.
***
A teacher asked a student to write 55.
Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5!
The student wrote 5 and stopped.
Teacher: What are you waiting for?
Student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!
***
What is the longest word in the English language?
"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!
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There are 5 birds in a tree. A hunter shoots 2 of them dead. How many birds are left?
2 birds. The other 3 fly away!
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An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
***
If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
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Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like
expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it.
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Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,
but what we are inside. So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
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Don't walk as if you rule the world,
walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
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Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
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A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles!
He's now being arrested by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
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A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
***
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
***
The teacher says: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it?
The student says: Obviously it's the past tense.
بنام خدا